


Not Yet

by leeswaggy



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: And by "Things" I mean Ori's & Balin's death, Azanulbizar-related Trauma, Hurt No Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Nori and Dwalin are happily married but oh well, listen i'm really sorry, sad shit, things happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 04:42:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29869332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leeswaggy/pseuds/leeswaggy
Summary: There's an important difference between "not yet" and "not ever".
Relationships: Dori & Nori & Ori (Tolkien), Dwalin/Nori (Tolkien)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Not Yet

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really, really sorry about this, but I hope you'll enjoy it :')  
> If you find any mistakes, please let me know!
> 
> Have fun reading <3

„Not yet, alright? We can go, but not yet, please”, Dwalin says the exact words he’s been saying way too much recently. _Recently_ might be the wrong word, though, because he’s been saying them for months, for years even, and at this point Nori wants to be angry but he knows he has no right. He has no right to be angry at his husband for not wanting to visit the place where he experienced the most horrifying event of his life. He knows how much Dwalin still suffers because of Azanulbizar, because of all the trauma the battle left him with, and he can’t ask him to go there again. Not yet.

When Balin and Ori left Erebor years ago, Nori felt like his world was falling apart. Ori couldn’t leave, he couldn’t protect him if he did, Dori couldn’t protect him, he would be alone without his brothers and he couldn’t be because he’d never been without them. Nori and Dori had always been by his side, supporting him and protecting him and being there for him, and as much as he needed them, they needed him. But his life wasn’t in Erebor and they all knew that. Nori tried to comfort himself with the knowledge that Balin was with his brother, old and experienced and brave Balin who would never let anything happen to anyone, especially Ori, but he knew he’d miss his little brother anyway.

And he does. With every passing day, he misses him more and he can’t do anything because he can’t visit him. He still tries to find comfort in the thought of Balin being with Ori, but that’s not the same as being there to protect him himself. He knows they’re all exactly where they belong – Ori in Moria with Balin, being able to do what he loves most and to see more of the world, and Nori in Erebor with Dwalin, the one he loves and never wants to lose. It should be alright, but it isn’t.

In the first months after their brothers left, Nori and Dwalin spent a lot of time together, just sitting next to each other in silence, holding each other’s hand so hard it hurt, knowing they both felt the same fear and sadness and _joy_ because both of their brothers finally did what they wanted to do, but they did it alone. Nori and Dwalin were the ones who were left behind, the ones who always promised to visit their brothers but now, years later, they still never travelled to Moria. _Not yet_ , Nori tells himself, _Dwalin isn’t ready yet, we will go, just not yet_ , Nori has told himself for the past five years. And they still didn’t go yet and Nori keeps missing his brother and he keeps asking “When can we go?” and Dwalin keeps saying “Not yet” and Nori’s heart keeps breaking because he loves Dwalin more than anything but _Ori_ is alone in Moria without his brothers and he should be with him and maybe he should go alone but he can’t go without Dwalin because Balin is there as well and there really is nothing he can do.

Dori visited Ori once, years ago, and he saw Ori was fine and he never went to visit him again ever since then because he wants Ori to be independent and Dori _knows_ how overprotective he can be and that he should leave Ori on his own, at least for a few years. He always told Nori to go, because when he visited Moria, Ori cried because Nori wasn’t there and he missed him so much and Nori did as well and he still does but they don’t understand how _difficult_ all of this is. He can’t just go to Moria whenever he wants, he has Dwalin and Dwalin can’t go there. Not yet. One day, they’ll visit their brothers.

Except they never do.

It’s Dori who tells them. They find him sobbing on the floor in some hallway in Erebor and Nori is absolutely terrified because yes, he has seen his brother cry before, he never was someone to hide his feelings, but like this? Shaking and crying so much he can’t even speak because there’s no room for words between his sobs? No, it has never been that bad.

Nori drops down on his knees next to his brother and Dori clutches onto his clothes as if he was drowning and Nori was his lifeline. Nori cradles his big brother in his arms and says “Hey, Dori, I’m here, it’s gonna be alright, I promise, I love you” and he looks at Dwalin all helpless and Dwalin kneels down next to them, supporting them but giving them the space they seem to need. Dwalin holds Nori’s hand and Nori holds Dori’s hand and holds him tight and this is how they spend the next few – minutes? Hours? They didn’t know, they all lost their sense of time a while ago.

“Nori, I should’ve been there, I should’ve been with him, I should’ve _died_ with him”, Dori whispers when his sobs slowly turn into fast breaths. Nori carefully brushes through his brother’s braided hair: “Who? Dori, we’re all fine, we’re all here…”

And then he realizes they’re _not_. Ori isn’t here, and there’s nobody that can make Dori cry so much, so something must have happened to Ori, but Ori is so small and so young and so innocent and nothing can ever happen to him, right? Balin is with him and all the other dwarves that went to Moria with them, they all protect him… Right?

Dori’s grasp becomes almost painful and even though his voice breaks, Nori hears him say “Ori” and then everything goes silent and his world falls apart.

He can’t help but blame Dwalin. Without Dwalin, he would have gone to Moria to visit Ori, he would have seen him, he would have _hugged_ him and told him he loved him and everything was going to be alright, and now he lost his chance of doing any of that ever again. He lost _Ori_ and without Ori, it feels like there’s nothing left. _Not yet_ turned to _not ever_ and there is nothing anyone can do about it. Nori would have visited him, but he didn’t because of Dwalin. Dwalin, the one he loves more than anything in the world, but he can’t look at him anymore without breaking down and Dwalin can’t look at Nori anymore either. They argued so much, more than they ever have in the past years, and Nori hates him for not wanting to go to Moria but he also loves him and he hates himself and he can’t do this anymore. He _knows_ he has no right to be angry at his husband, to blame all of this on him, but how couldn’t he? _Dwalin_ is the one who refused to go to Moria. But Dwalin also is the one who fought in the battle of Azanulbizar and Nori doesn’t even want to imagine the feelings connected to that place.

But without Dwalin, he would have seen Ori one last time before he died.

They should support each other – both of their brothers died, they both haven’t seen them in years even though they had so many chances to visit them. They should understand, be there for each other, like they always were because they _love_ each other, but now, that love is overshadowed by that big hole of void, of _nothing_ , that took the place of the sadness and despair both of them felt when they found out about their brothers’ death. They can’t be there for each other because they both need time for themselves but that time only pushes them further apart and they can’t do anything about it. Nori desperately needs something to hold on to, he needs _Dwalin_ to hold on to, but he doesn’t want to hold on to Dwalin. He can’t even _look_ at him, how could they ever help each other? He’s mad at Dwalin and he’s mad at himself and he just wants everything to be alright again, he wants to be happy and in love and he wants that big hole inside his heart to disappear, but it didn’t disappear yet and his feelings didn’t come back yet and nothing went back to normal yet.

Not yet, and perhaps not ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments & kudos are appreciated!


End file.
